What a lovely, ugly word. It’s a virtue. It’s a fruit of the Spirit. It’s important. And often, it is the bane of my existence.
In a world of instant coffee, news, and information, we don’t often have to wait on anything. But, I learned the meaning of patience when I waited for the first time in my life for a next tram or bus. Ten minutes of standing there at the stop.
It was like the life has come to a pause.
Then, I started making myself more and more used to it. I enjoyed those moments of pause in the day, when I could stop and smell the roses. (Literally, there are flowers by this tram stop.)
Little test of patience in life are sometimes troublesome, but often quickly overcome. Then, there are the big, huge, in your face tests of patience.
In my life, there came a phase when I had to take some very important decisions to put the things on the right place in my life….it was a low phase. I had sought all the advice of every person willing to give it. (There were many.) I considered all the evidence. And, then, I got on my knees and banged on the door of Heaven. I prayed my heart out. I prayed and prayed and begged and prayed. And do you know what I heard:
Wait on Me.
Over and over again. Wait on Me.
I would start prayer like- But, God, I need an answer. But, God, this. But, God, what about that?
Every time the answer was the same- Wait on Me.
Patience… God was asking me to have patience and wait on His timing. The audacity. Doesn’t He know how valuable my time is? Doesn’t He know that I have to make plans? And even more so, there are more people involved in this decision than just me! Doesn’t He know those people need an answer?
But in my heart, I knew. It wasn’t their decision. It wasn’t my decision. It was His decision. He knew the next step to take, when we were supposed to take it, and where it would lead us. And more importantly, He knew when He should tell us.
So, I waited. I told the voices of the world to be quiet. I told everyone that this decision was not about me, but something bigger than me. And I waited. And waited. The voices were not silent. They tried to be encouraging, then became critical, then became frustrated, then became critical again.
Then, for just a moment I let doubt creep in. It was only for a little, tiny second.
It was enough.
“….and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:27
The devil had a foothold and doubt turned into stress. Stress turned into depression. And depression infected me..
But, I kept praying. Soon, the depression lifted and can you guess what happened?
God was faithful.
I don’t have all the answers and I still don’t know for sure everything the future holds. But, He is opening doors in places that I could have never opened them myself. He is revealing things to me that I know are direction from Him. He is confirming my diligence in making a wise decision and waiting on His counsel. He’s coming through.
And I am looking back thinking- how could I have ever doubted?